CarDouche of the Day

What's Wrong With This Picture?

2012-01-30T16:14:00.001-08:00

Hey, dipshit. The car seat goes in the back seat, underneath that tiny little girl that's, for some reason, sitting on your lap.

Further ammunition for my argument that there oughta be such thing as a breeding license.

Witnessed ten minutes ago right here in Colorado Springs, boys and girls.

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Sir, that's not Code 3

2012-01-23T13:22:00.001-08:00

Okay, assmonkey. I don't care if you are a "+MEDIC" in some segment of your life. Unless you are in a vehicle marked "AMBULANCE" with lots of flashy lights and woo-woo-woo-woo, you do *not* have an excuse to drive like that. There's a reason I didn't move over as you crawled up my ass for half a mile: it's "pull to the right for sirens and lights," not "pull to the right for impatient shitheads with inflated sense of self-importance and probably very little actual medical expertise."

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Was It Good For You?

2012-01-11T05:00:00.001-08:00

Hey, douchebag.
A hundred miles an hour is a smidgen too fast on this road. Or any within city limits, for that matter. You passed me like I was standing still - and you made it to that stoplight a full carlength ahead of me. Feel better now?

You.

2011-12-29T16:24:00.001-08:00

Ass-clown in the white Suburban, who thinks it is acceptable to spend twenty minutes placing your order at the Starbucks drive through thingy, and also acceptable to order so much shit that it takes the frazzled barista another twenty minutes to farm it all out the window to your chubby waiting hands. It's the drive-through, for hell's sake; a modicum of speed is thereby inferred.

You, sir, are the Car Douche of the Day. Many congratulations.

Gee, Cee... Douchey are Thee

2011-12-27T12:52:00.000-08:00

Hm.

2011-12-21T16:01:00.001-08:00

Colorado has way too friggin many specialty plates.

Italian-American?

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Ohhhh, looky...

2011-12-16T13:40:00.001-08:00

...at the herd of little fishies.
Puke.

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Because The World Does Not Have Spell Check

2011-12-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

Whatever, dude, as long as your tool organization system makes sense to you.

Go Back From Whence You Came.

2011-12-14T00:35:00.000-08:00

I admit, it's kinda hard to read all this douchebaggery through the rain. Lucky you, I'll translate. If the obnoxious "MRPHENX" license plate wasn't enough...the bleeding-heart dog rescue stickers all over the back of the car tipped the scales a little... But the real kicker was the "I drive like a Cullen" sticker. Attention, Mr. Phenix (or Morphenex, maybe that's a new superhero, or a heavy duty pain medication, I dunno): You do realize you're touting teenage girl pop culture, right?? Mmmmkay.

Where's Roger??

2011-12-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure I'd never be caught dead in a car with a vanity plate showing off such a stupid nickname. Sure, I've had some dumb nicknames. But does the world know them? I think not. Because I don't advertise them on my car.

No, Sir, I Do Not.

2011-12-09T15:13:00.000-08:00

Not even a little bit.
Douche.

"I'm Training for the Octagon"

2011-12-09T15:11:00.000-08:00

I will make fun of a Tapout sticker every day and twice on Sundays, no matter what the hell it's stuck to.
"Excuse me, madam, **Are you a cagefighter??**"

I'm Sure Glad He's Wearing a Helmet...

2011-12-09T15:09:00.000-08:00

Nice socks. They go with your stupid-ass Can-Am trike. Douche.

Which is the Gift?

2011-12-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

The Beemer, or the smarmy dipshit who's showing off his generosity??

Unbelievable.

2011-12-08T15:09:00.000-08:00

"Attention, all pedophiles. Look what you can find if you follow me home."

-Thanks to Bri & Kelsey for sending this pic my way.

Thank you, sir, for perfectly illustrating my point.

2011-12-08T15:04:00.000-08:00

"It" may "b" "Rix"... But Rik b an ass-clown. Really, dude??
It took me a second to figure this out at the stoplight...but once I did I couldn't stop laughing.

Oh, The Places We'll Go...

2011-12-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

Nearly every day, out there on the roads of my little microcosm, I encounter douchebaggery. You know the ones I'm talking about. The cars with hopelessly stupid vanity plates. Minivans with stick figure stickers of the whole freakin' family and the dog and cat too. Idiots who embellish their vehicles in curious ways. Herein, those shall be featured.